J18 You just aren't the guy I remember!

Isaiah 43:25: "I am He who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins."

Repentance is the very heart of the gospel, and Chrysostom (1) often wrote of it: "We must always have these sins before our eyes, so we may be purified from them. And though God, by clemency, forgives you every sin, yet you, for the safety of your soul, must always have the sin before your eyes. For the memory of past sins hinders future ones; and one who is bitten by his past sins demonstrates the will to be steadfast about the next ones.

"Groan bitterly, sacrifice confession... sacrifice contrition of heart... For one who prays with earnestness is burned yet not consumed, but like gold that is treated by fire becomes brighter."

Before Jesus found me at age 25, I led a wicked life. This year I turned 76, yet like David, "My sin is ever before me." (2). I know full well that God "remembers not the sins of my youth." But I, and the many I hurt, surely do. Not a day goes by that I do not literally groan out loud when one comes to mind.

We often hear it taught that we should be free of guilt, since we are washed in the blood. And so we are free, in God's eyes. Yet Chrysostom has identified the very real brake these memories have, on my behavior since. Not just to avoid repeating hurtful sins, but in understanding that I am no better, no more righteous, than the ones I see sinning today. That was me, then. They could become me, as I stand now before my Redeemer.

On the occasion of a class reunion I was contacted, after decades of non-communication, by a few of my high school buddies. In each case they were eager to learn of my life and re-connect -- until as gently as possible, I testified to them. Sadly, all three turned cold.  I can only speculate why their eagerness to catch up vaporized in moments. Probably just as well -- like Groucho Marx may have said once, "I would not want to join a club, if it would have me as a member." I would not want to re-kindle close friendships, with those who knew me unredeemed, and look for me to be the same, now.

My prayer today: Lord, I can't forget what I was then, nor forget how you saved me

(and those around me) the damaging consequences of my future sinfulness. Help me be wise in my testimony. Let me not feel so discouraged that I burn a bridge to those I left behind me. Let them, not me, cross that bridge. How I love You, Lord.

(1) "Homilies on Repentance and Almsgiving (7.4.11)," and "On 2 Corinthians (5.4)'" IVP ACC

 (2) Psalms 51:3

11/16/2018, 8/31/2024