J23 You are what you eat

Psalm 42:1-3: "As a hart [Ed; deer] pants for flowing streams, so longs my soul for thee, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and behold the face of God? My tears have been my food day and night, and men say to me continually, 'Where is your God?'"

Augustine (1) "With God is the fountain of life, a fountain that can never dry up... God has everything that will refresh you. He is able to fill anyone who comes to Him...This is what I am thirsting for, to reach Him and appear before Him. I am thirsty on my pilgrimage, parched in my running, but I will be totally satisfied when I arrive."

"My tears have become my bread." I do not believe that David was commenting on the sadness which comes into every life. I believe he was experiencing what today would be diagnosed as a "Major Depressive Episode."

Augustine rightly points to the perfect cure, but seems to overlook the key step in restoring our awareness of God's constant presence and benevolence. How do I get there from the pit I find myself in?

Having for decades led small groups and taught adult Bible studies, at age 53 this writer fell into a period of deep, abiding, terrifying despair. I continued my "church activities" but was dead inside. My wife and I were helping to plant an urban church, but I found tasks to justify avoiding worship itself. I felt unable to praise. God did not leave me -- He was always there -- but I turned my face away from Him. A common expression, but a true one: "You are, what you eat." So it is, with our minds. I chose not to 'drink.'

Instead of entering His presence "through the gates of praise," my choice was to dwell on my misery. Tears were my food of choice. Five years of prescriptions for powerful drugs in the end did nothing but harm me, and caused permanent brain damage. Then, my wife found a spirit-filled church, where the joy of the Lord abounded in powerful worship. I was able to participate in true worship, true praise, true thanksgiving. I was willing to drink again!

"You can lead a horse to water..."

My prayer today: Dear Father, how abundant are your provisions for me. Not just in my circumstances, but more importantly, in the ready availability of your spirit to sustain me. How spoiled I must be, living in a time when your word can be found in countless churches, and media. Yet I go long periods without drinking. Help me see the life giving fountains which surround me. Re-awaken my desire to be with you, whenever the world has lured me away to the next 'shiny thing.'

(1) "Exposition of the Psalms [42.2,.3,.5]" IVP Ancient Christian Commentary on Scripture, OT vol vii, Blaising & Hardin, Eds

11/16/2018, 9/4/2024